how it started
how do i begin to tell you what is going on with me? the past four days have been a roller coaster, to say the least. i feel the focus of my life shifting due north, to a place called home. and i want to tell you this story, but i feel so bereft of words and energy. all that i have has been pulled full-stop out of me through the course of these few days.
but i will try.
it began a week ago thursday, when kirsten was here. we've taken to calling this day of our visit "that thursday" because God shocked both of our systems that day.
for me, it began with an unassuming saunter into the front room after a thwarted attempt to take a nap. kirsten was sitting at the table in the quiet, organizing her digital photos on her computer. i sat down and promptly began what i can only call a spontaneous, surprising, unanticipated, unknown-even-to-me confession.
i told her that i had put my business idea on a high shelf about two months ago, that i'd left it there ever since, that i've been afraid to even think about it, much less talk about it, even much less take it back down, that just thinking about it brings me so much shame and pain. i told her that i have no idea what i'm doing with my life or what God wants from me. i told her that all i know is that i love people's hearts so much that it hurts, that all i want to do is sit with people where they are, helping them discover what that place even is and what God has for them there, that this is what fills my heart so full.
and then i confessed something even i didn't know until that moment: that i care more about being with people in these scared and overgrown places than i care about writing words. which basically means that if i had to choose between writing books and articles for the rest of my life or sitting with people in their deep heart places, petitioning the Holy Spirit for discernment and asking for his dispensation of grace through the whole of it, all i would say in return to that ultimatum is, tell me where those people are.
it was a big admission.
by this time, i was crying huge tears, blubbering all over the place. and my beautiful kirsten friend did the most inspired thing she could have possibly done in that moment. she simply asked, "can i pray for you?" so she prayed, and i prayed. tiny words to a big God.
like i said, this is where it consciously began, just over a week ago. (even though i know it's been percolating a long time more than that.) but i think that's a sufficient tidbit to get us started for now, because sharing the rest of the story is still going to take a lot out of me. i hope you'll be patient with me as i try.
but i will try.
it began a week ago thursday, when kirsten was here. we've taken to calling this day of our visit "that thursday" because God shocked both of our systems that day.
for me, it began with an unassuming saunter into the front room after a thwarted attempt to take a nap. kirsten was sitting at the table in the quiet, organizing her digital photos on her computer. i sat down and promptly began what i can only call a spontaneous, surprising, unanticipated, unknown-even-to-me confession.
i told her that i had put my business idea on a high shelf about two months ago, that i'd left it there ever since, that i've been afraid to even think about it, much less talk about it, even much less take it back down, that just thinking about it brings me so much shame and pain. i told her that i have no idea what i'm doing with my life or what God wants from me. i told her that all i know is that i love people's hearts so much that it hurts, that all i want to do is sit with people where they are, helping them discover what that place even is and what God has for them there, that this is what fills my heart so full.
and then i confessed something even i didn't know until that moment: that i care more about being with people in these scared and overgrown places than i care about writing words. which basically means that if i had to choose between writing books and articles for the rest of my life or sitting with people in their deep heart places, petitioning the Holy Spirit for discernment and asking for his dispensation of grace through the whole of it, all i would say in return to that ultimatum is, tell me where those people are.
it was a big admission.
by this time, i was crying huge tears, blubbering all over the place. and my beautiful kirsten friend did the most inspired thing she could have possibly done in that moment. she simply asked, "can i pray for you?" so she prayed, and i prayed. tiny words to a big God.
like i said, this is where it consciously began, just over a week ago. (even though i know it's been percolating a long time more than that.) but i think that's a sufficient tidbit to get us started for now, because sharing the rest of the story is still going to take a lot out of me. i hope you'll be patient with me as i try.
posted by christianne at
9:41 PM
46 Comments:
wow christianne...the part where you confessed that this was more important to you than writing...that somehow really hit me. i know what writing means to you, and how it is a part of you. you're basically saying something like, "i would cut off my hand to be able to do this thing." that's what i heard.
oh Jesus loves these sacrificial gifts, these confessions of what he has, in fact, placed in us. the recognition. this passion of yours comes out all over the place in all of the blogs i see you visit. i can't even imagine (and hopefully won't have to forever) what it would be like to be loved by you in this way in person.
i'm sad that this is such a heaviness on you right now, but i'm also really glad that you are facing this and moving in the direction your heart is calling you. you don't have to be ashamed. it's beautiful, and the fact that you suspect you may have misstepped (is that what i was hearing?) only proves that you are human. and as i've already told you, i firmly believe your gift will make room for you. people will recognize the fire in you and there is certainly no shortage of people needing this kind of ministry. bless you sister. and take your time with the story. we are listening when the words come.
sweet, sweet girl. it blesses my socks off like you wouldn't believe to see these words here, to see you begin the work of pouring out your beautiful heart in this space.
"that thursday" really rocked us both. when we were sitting at your table praying, i was thinking so many things, but mostly about how there was nothing i could offer you in the way of direction or clarification, but mostly how much your heart was bearing a heavy burden for loving others in jesus' name. what a beautiful, unrelenting burden to bear.
i know it was a shock to your system to hear these words coming out of your own mouth. but i think this is what happened because we prayed to our big and great God that this week would be what it needed to be for both of us. and herein He reveals His heart for you. His great big loving-till-it-hurts heart.
it's going to be a crazy journey of trust. as i work out and walk through aftermath of my own "that thursday" with our God, i will be walking with you, right alongside you.
if you reach out for my hand, it will be there. i love you so much. you are braver than you know.
peace & blessings,
-k
terri, that is so right. it really hit me, too, in the moment. like, really? i didn't realize that this had taken up such big residence in my heart that its size had overshadowed the writing. not that words won't continue to be an important part of my life, and who knows how God might decide to use them to serve this greater purpose, but yeah. it's become much more important. what a revelation of the astounding kind.
i so get what you said about it being a confession of what he placed in us, that's it a recognition. that's part of this story, too, my realization that it's just what he placed in there, in my heart. it's just a manifestation of HIM that i'm carrying around inside me. which is probably why it hurts so much: because it's huge, up on par with his own size, compared to my measly humanness.
it's really been an exhausting few days, but i'm right with you on the perspective: so, so glad to be just where i am, facing the truth he is calling out of me, walking with my face turned toward him.
thank you for saying out loud to me that i don't have to be ashamed. yes, it is a misstep that i have been carrying the shame of. but i also realize that it's this "misstep" that got me to this place, unencumbered and unburdening my heart right here. so it's not really a misstep. the only part that has been mistaken is the part that thought that original idea was the main event. but it seems like something he may have used to get me to this place, available and totally surrendered to the deepest truth that pounds inside of me.
wow. this whole thing blows me away on such a great scale.
and i still see how that original idea may still be manifest, just in a different context and perhaps slightly different form. not that i'm going to force it into being, force it to see the light of day if it's not meant to, if it really was only serving a utilitarian purpose in the greater scope of this all. but, yeah. if God wants to still use it, i can see how it might happen, if he wants.
love you, big sister. your encouraging spirit and words have meant so much to me in this place.
hi, kirsten. my heart is breathing such a big, huge sigh right now. a sigh of breath . . . in thanks that it is breathing, once again. how amazing that feels, so wondrous and encompassing, after many months in the dark. and i know there are many, many, many months ahead -- years and years, really -- but at least they will happen with my heart breathing freely and beating fully.
i love that what happened, happened. because you're right: God made of it what He wanted to because we asked Him to. and He knew more than we did what was deep inside there. it amazes me to no end that He would choose to unlock those doors and let stuff come flooding out in time we spent together, that He chose just that time to do it. perhaps because He knew we were just what each other needed in those spaces? i know that's true for me, about you.
thank you, dear sister of mine, for heeding His prompting in you to pray for me in that moment. it was a prayer i needed, a prayer of confession and release. and while He hasn't answered it in the way i thought He would -- on that day, and in the days following, i think i really believed He was going to ask me to take that original idea back off the shelf -- He has answered it. that much is clear.
a crazy kind of trust. yes. oh, yes. i'm scared as all get out. but also finding in myself a willingness to go fully dependent. i know i say that without knowing the fullness of what that means. i've never been tested with this great a question of dependence before. but i think the willingness is the first step, and the continuous step, taking it a day at a time.
your friendship with me in this place has become so vital, such a gift, a heavenly grace. i need all the prayers this little community has to offer, and i need your kinship. i'm so, so thankful that i have it.
i love you.
breathe....trust in.....and scariness out......
while thinking what to do....just breathe...in.....and out....trust the process....as He already knows where, what and how...isn't that so amazing....to know that we can rest in Him, while He is busy with the plans for you and my (our) lives?
I've found that He uses every situation to 'mould' us into what He wants us to become...I get comfort (and breathing! through it) with knowing that He knows...and I can trust Him.
But sometimes...being human, it is difficult to just trust this 'not know who, where, when, what"..cause we want to know...but I've also learned that when we trust blindly...He does His work best!
And I don't think there are any 'missteps'...just little roads entwining (think that is the word) to prepare us for where we are going...using our past...to shape us for the ultimate place God wants us...and how extremely privileged and can I say spoilt are we to know that God is already there...that He has walked the road before us preparing it for us?! (spoilt rotton I would think! heehee)..
Oh Sweetie...I hear your acknowledgement of your realisations....I hear your scaredness of the unknown road...I hear your trust in God...I hear you knowing that you have friends beside you walking with you...and I hear you knowing that when it gets difficult, you know that you can get on God's back...and let Him lead the while...(it's just so much easier....why do we always want to do it self?)
I always sit and wonder....and then get real excited...to think and wonder what He has planned for me, you, us....it's exciting...because if I look back to everything what has happened in my life...I'm exactly where He want me to be today...
ooohhhhh...can't wait to see what He has in store for you Sweet One! xx
breath....in.....and out.....:-)
periwinkle, that is one of the sweetest comments ever. i seriously sat here and breathed in and out slowly as i read your words telling me to do that. i was acting out the deed in real time as i read it! thank you for the gentle encouragement to just breathe, in and out, and to trust the process. i also loved the image of being able to climb on his back whenever the going gets tough. such a great image. thank you.
it was so sweet to receive these words from you, peri. i don't know how to express the pricks of surprise i felt as i read, and kept reading, and kept reading, my eyes and heart getting bigger and bigger in amazement at your sweetness to me and the truths you spoke so boldly about our God. i'm glad to have found a sister in you. glad you shared with me the wisdom you've gained from your own path.
and yes, oh, that truth about being exactly where we are meant to be, all the days preceding this one leading right up to it. there are times when i see and believe that so vividly, and other days it seems so muddled. but i do see how every season of my life has led me with greater and greater alacrity to this one. wow. so amazing. glad you are here to walk the journey alongside all the rest of us.
love to you . . . my sweet english friend (even though i think i know you're really from the states originally (right?) -- i like to dream of you in england now as being utterly english, because i have such an affection for that land in my heart!) :)
Christianne,
I wanna respond to this post, but Imma wait a lil while cause I take it so seriously.
Christianne, I was praying as I drove to work this morning. I was telling God that what I wanted was to impact people's lives, to help them be all that they can be and to see Him and know Him fully.
But this is completely at odds with what I'm doing for a living, what I'm trained to do and what I'm pursuing.
And then I read your beautiful confession...
Thanks so much, you changed my day.
Christianne,
I'm praying for and with you. I don't even have good words for praying, so I'm praying in little tiny feelings to a great big God.
I'm glad you've been able to start telling this story, and I understand how draining it is to write. So, I'm looking forward to listening to more of what God is doing, but without any pressure on you to have to tell any of it a moment before you're ready. Hope that makes sense :)
Now that you have us baited, reel us in. :) I can't wait to read the rest of the story.
Christianne
I have been meaning to chat with you. Say something more profound than hi, and i have so much grief right now that it is hard even to type this. I read some things that a minister wrote and it through into a tail-spin.
It is very easy to turn me into a tail spin, I tend to take negative things, (that appear to look like God) and run with them. This ultimately leaves me hopeless and confused and angry at God.
I still will not speak to God because of the things I read. Off from my self-centered tangent................
this leaves me to say this, even though I am pissed off at GOd right now, I still believe that you reflect Him love so powerfully and you have a burning dream inside of you.
I was telling Nate the other day how desperate I feel on the inside for you to see you achieve this dream. I have to run take care of something I will continue this thought later there is something I need to tell you.
Even the tears help us find our way. I'm glad you're letting them come.
Love to you...
--L.L.
I don't have any huge words for you right now, but I want you to know that I love you in this.
I feel heavy for you and I don't know why. Maybe when my head clears I'll be able to come back and tell you.
Here's what I'm learning: there's so much in my journey that I can never expect, never prepare for. I always wonder, "Is this it?" But that's the wrong question to be asking, I guess. I don't want it to be the wrong question. Sometimes I weary of discovery. It's time to do, God, I tell Him.
But even the doing is about Who God is, what He's doing in me (our relationship), and what He's doing through me.
i'm with nate.... i'll be back. i just had a quick moment to click over and read.
Hi Christianne, I don't think you cried crocodile tears!
Definition, according to Wikipedia:
Crocodile tears is false or insincere weeping, a hypocritical display of emotions. The expression comes from an ancient anecdote that crocodiles weep in order to lure their prey, or that they cry for the victims they are eating. They are fake tears.
XOXO- Love ya!
actually, christianne... my response is over on my blog.
Nate, I trust you will be back with weighty words to share. You are such a dear, sincere friend. Thank you for how you've demonstrated the truth of that to me, already.
Dean, I've been thinking of you a lot this morning, since I first read your comment. I am so utterly amazed at the way God works sometimes . . . how he can weave the most personal response to our heart's cries through totally unexpected means. It's like a little nudge, him waving and telling you, "I'm here, and I hear you." I wonder what God is up to on your road ahead. I'm so humbled that he used my beginnings of my journey story here to change your entire day. Wow. Love to you.
PS: I checked out your profile. Cape Town, Africa. Wow! You've commented on Terri's blog so much, I thought you guys had a Minnesota connection. Do you blog anywhere? I would love to visit you and learn more about your world and your life.
Eclexia, I always appreciate the gentle way you cradle your words to others. I love feeling buffered by this community who is along for the ride, whatever form and however long it takes.
Your prayers mean so much. I know what that tiny cries to our big God are like and how they can move the course of everything. Thank you for them. Your friendship means so much.
Hi, Greg. I'm glad you're along for the ride. I look forward to uncovering how the rest of this story plays out in words for you all to read, as well. Right now, it's coming out as a bit of a mystery . . . which exactly how it has felt to live through it in the first place, much less put it into words.
Tammy, I felt the urge to call you this morning right after I read your comment, but I was running hard to finish some law homework and then got kicked out of my house before I expected it when some people came to do some work in the house before they were scheduled to be there.
All this to say: I will call you, dear friend. My heart flew out of my body, up to Tennessee to you as soon as I read your words about being in grief.
Beyond that, your words continue to meet me where I am and lift me up even higher. A burning dream, indeed. I can't wait to share with everyone how integral YOU have been to where I am today, five days later from our initial conversation. The conversation was critical to this whole process. God used you, Tammy, to unlock the deeper rooms of my heart, this dream. I don't know if it helps you to hear that in the place where you are, but it is so true I could testify in court about the truth of it.
Thank you for feeling desperate about this vision on my behalf. It's desperation I feel, too, and I can tell you this: I FEEL YOU, SISTER. I know what you mean, because I know what it means to me inside, too. I love having your support through this. I need it, Tammy.
I look forward to hearing the word you have for me. I am sure it will be weight. I love you.
It's more important to me than writing, too. Thanks for starting . . .
Hi Laura, thank you. I'm glad too. They have healing and revealing properties, don't they?
Sarah, just having your friendship and presence here is so much more than enough. Sometimes I feel like I don't even need words from those I love because I can feel them. I'm feeling this from you right now.
Thank you for loving me in this. I receive that with all the genuine care in which it was offered. And as for why I am heavy on your heart today, I need to work up the courage to tell you why I think that may be. Because actually, I think there's a reason for it, and I think I know what it is.
Heather, I so feel you, girl. I do the same thing. Sometimes I think there are specific things, but mostly I think God's in it more for the journey of who we are becoming, the people we are. So glad you're leaning into this, learning to play around more comfortably in these waters.
Blue, I'll be over to check it out soon. And I LOVE your new profile pic. Gorgeous!!
Gram, THANK YOU! Whoops. I will have to remedy that with a bit of editorial license. :) Because you're right -- that's not what I meant at all!
Jenn, you sneaked in on me. Sneaky, quiet girl! :)
So glad to find a shared affinity with you in this.
christianne - you'll always have it, this kinship of ours. i think our paths are woven together & frankly, i'm happy to keep it that way as long as God allows it.
it was something crazy to see what God did for us & in us that day, those things that rocked us, those things we buried so deep.
glad it's unlocking in you, pouring forth, & starting to come to some kind of fruition.
be blessed, sister.
peace & love,
-k
Hi C.
I'm with you in thought,prayer and feeling.
Know that as you're resting tonight that there is some UPS guy driving around shooting up prayers for you.
Got you covered 24/7
thank you, kirsten. i'm glad, too. :)
dave, you made me go "awwww!" when i read your comment. so sweet. thank you for offering up brother-prayers for your sis.
holy smokes! now THAT was a blog! wow sissy... that takes guts. writing what you wrote and moving in the direction that God's leading you... and i love it that you have such a deep care for people's hearts! and that deep care is so so apparent when you write. it pours out of you. thank you for sharing sissy.
be blessed.
oh... and when i call you sissy... i'm not calling you a wimp... it's my term of endearment for a sister... hope you caught that... (that goes for you too kirsten!)
C--
Standing with you prayer about this, and holding you in my heart with love, as always...
Momma
Christianne
It was so powerful, heartwarming, and awesome to talk with you on the phone. So, did I ever tell you that I am from the South? I thought with my accent and all, you could have mistaken me for a New Yorker. But you are a sharp cookie, no pulling the wool over your eyes. Ha Ha
I can't totally explain every way that God used our conversation. So many things that you said tonight really lifted a fog off of my mind. I was so down for the last two days, it was rough. I really think that some things we talked about will stick with me after tonight, even if my application of it all gets lost in space and I wig out at some point.
At least now I feel like God has a ground zero to start at. It is so funny I talked to Nate later tonight. He said you guys talked...YA HOO!
And talk we did. Actually, the poor girls barely got a word in edgewise. I gotta shut up! Learn to listen more! The problem was, my phone was so jacked up I couldn't hear anything.
It was really nice to hear your voice Christianne. Keep callin.
Hi. I'm not blogging anywhere just yet. I'll be sure to let you know if I start. There are some things happening that make me feel I may have something to say but till I'm sure I'll just keep reading and commenting.
Must say that Marcia's 'heavy burden' blog has left me feeling the need to speak, probably to rant, even if only at myself.
And there are some beautiful possibilities that feel too fragile to be exposed to comment & discussion so I'll keep them close for now.
Hi, Danny. Definitely caught the true meaning of the word sissy when I read that. But it made me laugh to read your follow-up comment explaining it, because then I re-read the first one with the wimp idea in mind. Funny! But so obviously not what you meant.
Yikes, this whole thing is a crazy kind of riskiness and trust. A kind that's deeper than any I've known before. Some pieces are taking shape, but others are foggy. And I'm okay with that. I think part of the point with right now is allowing God to be God, and allowing me to just be me: human and not all-knowing, just holding out hands of trust.
Hi, Mom. Your prayers mean so much. I need them, always. I'll be calling you, because I want to share more of this with you on the phone.
Tammy, I absolutely LOVED our phone conversation. I felt so jazzed and light-hearted and joyful afterward. I think Kirsten and Nate really got the impression it was a good call when I talked to them. I couldn't stop from overflowing about how wonderful it was, how meaningful the conversation, how easy it was to talk to you. You are a special kind of girl, one of a kind, my sister. Thanks for spending the time with me last night. I look forward to our next conversation! Keeping you in my prayers even now.
Hi, Nate. You are so fun on the phone, and don't let anyone make you believe you talk too much. I know I felt I talked too much at some points, and I was glad to hear you expound on the ways of the universe. :)
Seriously, bro, you are one bright cookie. And I don't care what you say, you are DEFINITELY a writer. Crazy kook . . . saying you don't think you are. Whatevs. We'll see about that.
Thanks for the great conversation and friendship. I look forward to next time, too!
Hi, Dean. I hear you on wanting to hold some things close for a while, and I really respect you for that. It sounds like you really respect the blogging space and want to hold it genuinely if and when you do enter into it yourself. That is a beautiful thing. It tells me that God will use whatever you end up beginning because you are desiring it to be done in the right spirit.
Marcia's blog post was really powerful to me, too. I could hardly believe that story. Made me so sad. I'm just beginning to learn about the ministry that Terri's church does down there in Haiti, so that was my first real exposure to the needs.
I certainly look forward to reading your words when you do begin a blog. Please do let us know when that is! Until then, I look forward to continuing to dialog with you in comment spaces. :)
hi christianne, just wanted to add to the love and let you know i'm listening too. and praying. and believing that what God is calling out of you which is not yet as though it were (because it truly is already) uniquely yours to unveil. beautiful. and needed.
Tap, tap, tap.
Drinking from the fire hose over here.
I see you're drinking from a fire hose yourself.
I'm glad both hoses are shooting Living Water. ;)
Just listened to the Storycorps piece at Kirsten's. Awesome!
Thanks for sharing something that personal. You two sounded so happy and peaceful.
di: thank you for your sweet words of encouragement and affirmation. i love the way you put it: not yet as though it were or would be. that feels right to me, too.
erin: hello, friend. been missing seeing you around. yes, i know the fire hose well. and also the fire engine life, too . . . i feel as though i've been careening down streets with sirens blaring the past couple days, it's been so busy. i feel i can barely catch up! hope things will slow down for both of us at some point so we can both at least take a BREATH.
loved your reference to the living water, girl.
dean: so glad you enjoyed it! and yes, happy and peaceful is very much how i felt during that conversation. it was so fun because it really was just that: a conversation. and conversing with kirsten is always so rich and full of life and love.
As someone who has benefited from you sitting with me in those "deep heart places," all I can say is, praise God. Praise God that He knit you together, Christianne, to uniquely speak into the lives of other sojourners, and praise Him that He doesn't waste anything. Your business idea was not an exercise in futility. Your business skills, your wordsmithing, your big, big heart---all of them will play a role in fulfilling the purpose God has for you. Pete and I laugh that we are paying off student loans for a degree that was largely just a vehicle to lead us to Florida, to his internship, and finally to his role at our church. Church ministry was never on our radar, but now that we're here, we think, "How could we be doing anything else?" Thankfully God knew where He wanted us, and nothing could frustrate His will, not even our supposedly iron-clad plans to move to Nashville and enter the music industry.
Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Christianne---I am confident that "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil. 1:6). Love you, friend!
wow. so much love here.
i love our community here so deeply, it is ridiculous. i haven't met most of you [ok, so christianne & sarah are really the only ones], but i love you like family.
i'm in complete awe at what God is doing in these spaces of ours. jaw dropped on the floor.
and nate!! i'm with christianne: you are a great listener. and it's funny that you say you need to listen more & talk less, because i was telling myself the SAME THING when i got off the phone with you. the questions you ask are so thoughtful & you really want to hear the answer. i believe in the title of that storycorps book: listening is an act of love, & you do it better than you know.
and christianne: speaking with YOU is always rich & deep & full of as much if not more love than i have ever known. i cannot talk to you or be with you or e-mail you or read a comment from you and not know that you care. it's thick & palpable & real.
love to you!
-k
lauren, all i can say is: wow. your words totally arrest me. i had to read them slowly, they were coming down over me just that powerfully.
it means so much to have sat with you in some of those places . . . and you have sat with me in my fair share! i think of all the times that i poured out my crazy ideas for storychange to your captive and sincerely interested ears, always cheering me along, always asking the insightful questions, always willing to share your own preferences and inclinations. that helped me form so much of my own understanding of what i was trying to birth.
who knows if that will still someday be? for now, i'm not worrying about it. (though i must say it's hard to keep my focus in school, now that i'm heading in a different direction and can't alter my business plan to accommodate these new things!)
thank you for sharing about how you and pete have seen God do these things in your own life. i know that story of coming to florida for his degree program, how fired up he was to get to nashville, how puzzled he was about staying at northland . . . and now, how at rest and full of joy he is to be there, doing what he's doing. and to see the peace you have, too, in becoming more rooted in this life you've established here.
i love the moments we share and sincerely hope there are plenty more of them in the near future! :)
thank you again for loving me. and making me feel welcome and safe. and being my bosom friend on the florida side of the states, even though we don't see each other near as much as we'd like.
kirsten, i know exactly what you mean. it's like i was telling you last night, how i hadn't been to my home church for a number of weeks but feel like i've been with the church every single day because of this community of beautiful people here. thank you, all, for offering what you uniquely have to offer to this extension of the body of Christ. it ministers to me so deeply to see the radical acceptance and love and encouragement and fun we all share on a daily basis. wow!!!
"listening is an act of love" is probably the most profound book titles i've ever heard of. it is so true and strikes me at such a deep heart level. YES! listening, receiving one another, enfolding one another in complete acceptance in whatever places we find one another because it's about living true and completely unencumbered . . . yes, this is love.
sigh. i love it.
and as for YOU, missy . . . you never cease to inspire and fill me with such ecstatic joy! love, love, love you!!
this is huge.
and those moments when we can step into and sit with our own truth, it is the beginning of this coming home.
your heart and passion, to be fiercely present with and for others, it is so beautiful. Do you see this? Know this? It is a gift. It is tremendous.
Which does not mean that being in upheaval is fun or easy. But it will take care of itself. It somehow always manages to. We just have to listen to that heart that whispers our deepest knowing. And honor what we hear.
love to you in this jounrey.
bella, i love your words so much. they are filled with such gentleness and hope and real knowing. and i know that's because you have walked your own path, been present with your own truths, struggled to sit in your own unknown places. i'm so glad to have met you here.
you know, i do see it. probably more to the point, i see that God is allowing me to see people and love people, and what i behold in them is so beautiful. and a gift to behold. but also, i'm recognizing that this is really HIS heart, and that he's just given me a little piece of it. and that makes me even more aware that it's just a gift i'm receiving and passing on, not something i made of myself or even can create or sustain in my own power. but knowing it is his heart, makes me love him even more.
i really appreciated that you said, "We just have to listen to that heart that whispers our deepest knowing. And honor what we hear." i kinda needed to hear that because what he is leading me and kirk toward feels so very big and scary. when we do listen to our heart whispers, we have that deepest knowing. it's that next step of honoring what we hear, which means continuing to step forward, that is scary. but you're right. it's really the right thing to do when you receive those knowing whispers. it just takes continual deep courage. and hearing little encouragements and affirmations like this make that just a little easier. thank you.
Wow. Just catching (tearing) up here! These are words from a heart that will move mountains, Christianne.
2 Chronicles 16:9
"For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.
Glad you are His, completely.
wow, 23 degrees, those are words that are powerful to me. they speak volumes. and encourage me. thank you for seeing what you see when you read my words. i pray what you say will be true . . . that my faith WILL move mountains, but more importantly, that my heart will remain always completely his.
I did wonder what was happening with your business plan, but it was just because I hadn't heard you talk about it for awhile. I thought maybe you were drinking from the fire hose at school too. (So many fire hoses shooting at us!!)
Ah, for the record...
I don't think it is a shameful thing to have started down one track and then discover that perhaps that's not the track you need to be on. (Although I know what it's like to publicly announce to the world, "THIS IS MY TRACK FOREVER!!!" and then feel like you're eating humble pie two days later.) You're certainly not the only person feeling sheepish about making a bold statement about her passion that turns out to be uh... not what she thought? A dud? Folly? Not her cup of tea? Ignorant? Short-sighted? Changing?
I'm reaching for adjectives here. Not sure which one fits best. Truthfully, I think I've done just about all of them at one time or another, so you can pick the one that you like best.)
Pop over to SoulPerBlog for my latest entry about making mistakes. My sister wisely called them "mis-takes." Takes that we miss, and then learn from, and adopt the wisdom available to us, and then move along to another phase in the learning process.
Dreaming Lily, you're adding to the cornucopia of experience and insight. You're gleaning perspectives, details, flavors, likes and dislikes. This is a thread in the tapestry that is you.
So please don't be ashamed of who you are discovering.
(And feel free to knock me on the head with my own advice every now and then.)
erin, i really appreciated everything you had to say here. it was filled with such graciousness, and as much as i value grace, sometimes i miss and forget to apply it to myself. or i start out doing so, but then the voices creep in and start to interrogate me that i don't know what i'm doing, that i'm disqualified, that i'm too impulsive, that i'm too much a dreamer. (i need to tell those voices to shut up, because i'm pretty sure they're from the devil.)
i'm going to have to go for the adjective "not my cup of tea." being in business school has been great on many levels -- i've learned a lot, for one, and i've polished my understanding in other areas that were picked up on the fly in my previous work experience. but mostly, it's been a slow dawning realization that business is too hard knocks for this tender heart. there is so much to focus on if you're going to found and run a business that i simply don't want to focus on. it takes me away from the things most important to me, which are interacting with people who are precious.
so, we'll see.
i love your sister's take on mis-takes. that feels about right for this one. it's been a learning experience, and i certainly see how God's been in it and using it and teaching me. i just thought i knew the destination that was really just His means to keep moving me along my path.
i so enjoy being along the journey with you, special girl. i feel like you are a friend who offers a word in due season so much of the time, and those words can take so many tones and forms, and are just right in the moment i need to hear them. so, thank you.
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